Today I woke up and I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I was giving into my compulsions to check, getting more and more anxious each time. (Even as I write this, my anxiety is consuming me, but I do not want to let it win!)
I felt like I was taking a step backwards, which I didn’t want to be doing. I didn’t want to get sucked back into the dark hole where nothing good ever came of anything. After all, I have so much to be thankful for that should stop that from happening.
Recovery is like a rollercoaster. When I posted yesterday about anxiety being like a rollercoaster, it got me thinking how recovery is the same. And remember that rollercoasters keep on going, they don’t stop, they go up, down, round and round, then there is a moment of calm until it goes back around the track all over again. That’s how I feel my life is; one minute I feel okay and content, the next I am low, then I come back up again. Every now and then I feel calm.
The whole point of what I am posting now is to show that it’s completely fine to have ups and downs in your recovery. There is no miracle cure, you’re not going to wake up tomorrow and all is right with the world. Today I have curled up a little on the sofa, watched some TV, read other people’s blogs and tried my best not to give into my compulsions. Tomorrow I may have a better day where I get my to-do list done. We’ll see!