I’ve seen plenty of blogs and posts about how it is okay to be single. I am sure this is not the first blog you have come across, looking for reassurance that you are not alone in being alone. I am in my twenties, supposedly the decade where you are supposed to have fun, see the world, explore yourself and build your career. But all my friends just seem to be settling down, getting married and having babies.
I was not far off this myself. I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 18 and I can’t tell you how much I absolutely adored him (and to be fair, I could probably admit I still do). At the age of 22, we were ready to move in together and start the future that we had planned for so long. At least so I thought. Turns out, he actually met someone else to settle down with and I was rather promptly pushed out of the picture.
Everybody has experienced heartbreak before. I can tell you, my heart was well and truly crushed into a million pieces. You don’t think you will ever piece yourself back together. You think the only person who could do that is another partner, someone else who will love you. But actually, YOU can put YOURSELF back together.
First step is ACCEPTING IT IS OVER – Telling him he has broken your heart is not going to make him want you back. He probably knows he has hurt you; it is time to move forward. It’s over, the choice has been made. The hardest part is being able to accept that choice, despite promises you both made for the future.
Second step is ACCEPTING YOURSELF – There is nothing worse than being dumped for damaging your self-image. Am I too ugly? Has he met someone more attractive or more funny than me? What is wrong with me? NOTHING is wrong with you! You just were not suited to him. You may have been a perfect match when you first met, but people grow and change all the time. There is nothing wrong with you, you just do not piece together any more.
Third step is GETTING USED TO BEING ALONE – You don’t need to rush back into the dating game to meet someone quickly. You have just been damaged;you need to fix yourself rather than relying on someone else to do that for you. That would only become a bad rebound. Enjoy your own time for a while; book a holiday, focus on your career, throw yourself into a hobby that you have always wanted to try. The world is your oyster. I find it satisfying when I go for an evening run, alone with my music and thoughts. I reflect on my day and think of all the good things that I DO have in my life.
Fourth step is LOOKING TO THE FUTURE – You had initially planned your whole life out with your partner and now that is no longer. That means you can plan your OWN future, exactly how you want it to look. Spend time with your friends and family, move where you want to move, arrange your career around yourself…. the possibilities are endless. Always wanted to move to London? Go for it! Go on dates with new people, make new friends…
I’m not professional in getting over love. I am still in the process of moving forward with my life. I am not over my ex partner, I am not afraid to admit that. I have been on dates with new guys, both good and bad but I know I am not ready to settle back into a relationship with somebody new. I am true to myself, I keep looking forward and I keep smiling. I know it is OKAY to be single; even when everyone I know is coupled up and settling down. I’ve got many years to spend living how I want to and there is nobody to stop me. One day I will find love again, but until then, I will love myself just enough.